My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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