i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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