Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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