I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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