I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
