Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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