Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
