so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
