last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
These tits shall not be calmed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
