too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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