he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
