i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
