Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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