Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
