you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
