I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
