It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
