Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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