Say something about gay babies.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
