Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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