I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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