Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
