I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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