Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize