Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
