apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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