Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
