i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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