We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
