Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
