Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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