found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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