dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
