The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
