Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Your cock deserves a montage
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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