the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
