we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
