"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
