some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
