I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
