Screwed.edu
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
