So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
