Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
