mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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