I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
