Your dad touched me again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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