Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
