so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
