The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
