i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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