Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He felt like a one man threesome
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
