Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
