I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
