He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
