mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
