I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
