My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize