somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize