so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My balls are so social today.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
