I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
