yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
