Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
