Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
