If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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