the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
