Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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