Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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