The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
