A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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