If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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