If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
