who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
