I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
