Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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