Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
