his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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