You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
