honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
