Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
