Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
