My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I deserve this hangover.
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