Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
