when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
