nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
