I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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