Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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